Naught of Fraught!
by Joou-sama
Summary: Halloween, the Night of Fright, and the Marauders should roam, but what are they up to? Featuring Firewhiskey, King Prongs, and crazy costumes! Slashyish RLSB.


**Short summary: Halloween, pranks and firewhiskey and ridicoulus outfits! Enjoy!**

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"Halloween!"

"The night of fright!"

"The Marauders will roam! Trick or treat!"

"Mischief and pranks without any consequence!"

"Oh Prongs!"

"Oh Padfoot!"

"_Oh__noes…"_

"You know you want to Moony. I can see it in your eyes… your lovely, big, shimmering eyes…"

"You missed my obvious look of desperation. I want to hide somewhere. If I go to the library you won't follow me right?"

"No library for you! We have plots to set in motion… pranks to be faultlessly exercised. You cannot disown us! You heard Dumbledore's announcement. We are free to cause mayhem and wickedness until the clock strikes midnight! "

"I believe his terms were not so much mayhem as 'funny little tricks for my and others amusement'."

"But the twinkle in his eyes said otherwise."

"Great man, Dumbledore."

"What to do, what to wear, what to do?"

"I will go to the Halloween festivity in my very best disguise!"

"You'll go naked?"

"Quiet you mutt! I will go as the majestic King of the forest that I am. And Lily Evans will croon at my stunning antlers and silky fur."

"Does she get to see your antlers in private too?"

"That is not for me - the King - to tell commoners as yourself."

"You're not serious are you? You won't, right?"

"I see my other servant has decided to address me as well, _without_ my most deserved title of honour. King mind you! I am King Prongs of this night!"

"But- Sirius stop laughing! - you cannot go as an Animagus, James."

"I wished Wormtail would hurry up with the firewhiskey. I bet you would have been much more receptive to the idea with some firewhiskey in your blood. But alas! I will have to go as a King amongst men! As is my horrible faith every day…"

"And I see he has arrived. Jolly well Peter, you got it all mate?"

"Seven bottles and all the bloody chocolate in Honeydukes!"

"Spiffin'! Give it to me- Ah! No bad wolf! The chocolate is especially reserved as a post firewhiskey snack."

"And there goes the first bottle…"

"And the first chocolate…"

"I seem to begin to interpret your, I must admit, ingenious plan, Padfoot. Getting Moony pissed and high on chocolate will be, er, rather amusing for you right?"

"Chocolate serves as an aphrodisiac you know."

"Don't wink like that at me. I need a drink. Or ten."

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"Oi, Patsy…Pads!"

"I broke m'nail! Damn those evil bottles of wonderful things… but not s'good for … m'nails."

"You can borrow one of mine? You need s'more glue? Like…ehm… as thanks for giving me chocolate?"

"No no! This is not thanks. The thanks comes later. But thanks Moony."

"Don't wink at me like that. It's unsettling."

"M'not! I…glue in my eye…"

"Hey! Listen to your King! Me!"

"Me is listening, King."

"Yes! My only loyal servant, the Fool Wormtail. His hat jingles nicely, ah, music to my royal ears…"

"If the _King_ doesn't declare anything soon I'm gonna kick him in his royal ass!"

"Hear hear!"

"Vile commoner, et tu Moony! But, it's… wasn't there… you know. Something we were s'pposed to do…"

"Drink?"

"Yes there is that Padfoot. But somewhere… we were s'pposed to be? Wormtail?"

"Dunno."

"I say drink s'more! Drinks all around! Wingardium Leviosa and all that!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Any more chocolate?"

"Chocolate for a kiss?"

"Okay."

"Gnaugh. My royal eyes."

"My jingles… You destroyed my jolly- merry- er- merriment with your… tongues."

"Have 'nother drink to blurr your royal vision."

"You're a good friend when you want to be."

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"I know!"

"Know what oh _King_?"

"The…thing. Ah, no, no, I don't."

"Ah…the _thing_. The somewhere we… s'pposed…do."

"But... _What_? 'Tail?"

"Don't look at me… I- …Hiccup…s'rry."

"Moony - Mona?"

"… I have chocolate. I don't care."

"You never… ah bugger, chocolate is almost gone. The aphrosodiacs-iac…"

"Wasn't it called somethin'… like the Naught of…somethin'."

"With a P?"

"Naught of P? Think not m'Fool"

"Plants then?"

"I need…drink."

"Naught…Naat…plants…s'not it. And aren't you smashed 'nough Padfoot?"

"Royally smashed Kingsley! Ha-ha James Kingsley. King of Potland."

"S'not Naught of…the Thing-we-were-supposed-to-do. You can't have naught of something…s'not correctly… correct. I should know…I read…stuff."

"Then…"

"Then drink!"

"But… we had… a plane…right?"

"Let it go Kingsley."

"The big flying thingy?"

"Dunno."

"Gnah. One drink m'jolly Fool with jingles. Then we will go and woe my Queen."

"You mean woo…"

"That too. I should bring Moony s'me royal bard, with…words."

"No way. Mine. We will… get tarted up s'more… me and Mona- Moony, Mo-o-ny! Don't kill me. Chocolate, remember? Oh the King and Fool 'ave gone."

"Aye, and King Prat took s'last firewhissey… Should've gone as Rabbi Hood 'n steal it from 'im. An' I'm too pissed to murder. 'Ave to wait 'til next full moon."

"Gimme a kiss?"

"No, messes up my lip-sticky stuff. Why 'm I dressed like this any'ays?"

"Because…Er, go down?"

"Sure."

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"Is that who I think it is!"

"Oh what say you, my fair lady Queen of m'heart?"

"Sirius! Oh my- And Lupin aswell! How on earth!"

"They look _hot_."

"Shut up Alice. They look _drunk_!"

"Only a little hint of firewhiskey I assure you, Lily-queen."

"I knew you were wasted from the very time you entered the hall."

"M'not. A hint I say!"

"Everyone is looking at them…"

"Well can you really blame them Alice… just… Lupin, in a skirt!"

"Is Sirius wearing latex? It's so…er…tight and _shiny."_

"We, me and Sirius of course, went for the more bookish-ish smart but sexy schoolgirl-look for Moony. And Sirius got the more wild and crazy outfit. Bloody brilliant King I am."

"Oi Potking! Look at me!"

"Nice jumping 'round there Patsy!"

"Yeah! And in heels as well!"

"If you fall down… I have to kill you."

"Don't be like that now Moona."

"Bugger, professors!"

"Wha-no! Oh! Fine evening to you professors! And cheerio there Dumbledore sir."

"Is this what they call…the new _fashion_ in London?"

"Oh no professor McGonagall. We just wanted to liven the place up a bit!"

"I see."

"Now now Minerva. These two girls look absolutely charming. Tell me what your outfits are supposed to be?"

"Well sir, I'm an action-transvestite, you know… running, jumping, climbing trees- putting on make-up while you're up there. That sort of thing."

"And you _Miss _Lupin? I must say this is not a very common occurrence on your part."

"I'm more of an executive transvestite myself."

"I'm sure. But I must say that we rather expected a bit more from you this evening."

"Er, what?"

"Well, we did enjoy a few well planned pranks, but nothing that screamed of the Marauders' modus operandi. You shone with your absence, did you not feel up for the task?"

"Moony?"

"Are you alright Patsy? You look…well, sober."

"The Naught…of Thing. I know."

"I told you… it couldn't 'ave been naught of thing. It doesn't make sense."

"WE MISSED IT!"

"What?"

"Naught of fraught! Night of fright!"

"Serves you right…Oh the clock chimed twelve. There you go."

"I need…come Moony. Let's go to our room. You can make me feel better. Disaster."

"There there… bye professors."

"Good evening to you girls."

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"My head…"

"Told you it wasn't a good idea to move, Prongs."

"Shut it Padfoot. My _head._"

"Someone's wand didn't work properly last night. Tetchy are we?"

"Don't get too cocky Sirius. As I recall it your wand needed a little bit of persuasion last night…"

"Ouch that hurt Moony. And you've always liked my wonderful spellwork."

"Aah. My _ears._"

"Where's Wormtail? Haven't seen him since…before. Think he got lucky for once?"

"With the house-elves I'm sure, Padfoot… Right, I'll see if I can find him somewhere. Leave you guys to it then- Nnaugh. My _brain._"

"He scampered."

"He did."

"Sirius?"

"Hn?"

"Hold me."

"I am holding you?"

"…"

"Oh _I see._"

"…Think we have some chocolate left?"

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**A/N: There you have it. My first one shot and all-dialogue fic. Hope you liked it, and oh yeah, please RR. ;)**


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